My Letter

Mike,
Next time you think that cancelling our memberships, think again. At least have the basic decency to let us know you're going to bend us over. I stood in line for a half hour waiting on the girl to finally see that only your name was there and not to mention the Sams Club incident. If you want to lose all respect in my eyes, you're not too far off. I've been trying to forgive you ever since the divorce but amazingly you've found ways to dig up all the anger and pain by bringing up your relationship with a woman you cheated on mom with. If you had any idea the shame that brings to our whole family...you are a complete hypocrite of our faith in my eyes. Hearing you talk about morality makes me want to laugh since you lack any principle at all. If you want to try to buy my love like Clark's always have, good luck. I hope that adultery was worth losing your family. If you want to go and blame mom for turning me against you, don't give her so much credit since you did the job all by yourself. I saw you trying to hide that you were watching porn late at night and how you searched the adult Yahoo Personals when I was only a kid, but I covered your tracks for you for the sake of the family. Then when you crossed the line and took it out of the house, I felt like I had just been crucified by my "father". It took a "non-Christian" Catholic to pull me up out of my depression and see that I had a real Father, but He would never betray me. I saw Satan's grip on your life when you refused to allow mom to my birthday and seeing you give Billy's card to Jeremiah...if you would have given that to me I would have spit in your face. And don't think I don't know about mom's adultery. The reason I've forgiven her is because she tearfully told me everything and begged my forgiveness, something my former role model and spiritual model has never had the guts to do. She changed her ways, and I pray regularly that you will too. I've wanted to go in front of the church and show them the real Michael Clark, not this fake Christian you show off. If you want to be my father again, follow these steps: Tell me the whole truth, genuinely ask my forgiveness, and change. If you aren't willing to do this, I have no choice but to forgive and forget you and you will never know my wife or my children. This has been two years overdue, but I pray to God that you would be my father. May God be with you.

His child,
Joel

Evangelical my @**

First, read this story, http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/06/22/airforce.religion/index.html, and tell me that's not the most biased story you've ever seen. Not only do they categorize these filth with evangelical Christians (many of which are extremely pro-Israeli) as anti-Semitists but also group that in with rape charges. Can we group evangelicals with Nazis today? Give me a break. These aren't Christians at all. They use the cross just like the KKK, and they're no more Christian. The whole article seems to be directed at a Christian's duty, which many do not practice, to evangelize the lost for Christ. I'll admit I've met many Christians that didn't have a clue how to talk to someone for their own well-being (salvation), but seem to shove it down their throats. However, just because a tactless semi-Christian offended someone doesn't mean you can strip our right of free speech and expression of our faith. If you can cuss me out I think it's not too much to ask to allow me to share the message many have died for in China, the Middle East, Africa, Cuba, Japan...all because that right doesn't exist. And next time you think about wearing your W.W.J.D. bracelet...don't...somehow I can't see Jesus having a bumpersticker of "I Save" on his donkey.

Meet the Parents: Misery

It all started December 23, 2005 while I was on Christmas break at home in a peaceful Indianapolis winter. One day, I receive an instant message from a visitor to my website, a girl named Rachel from Missouri, commenting on its content, to which I ask a couple questions on her thoughts about my mainly political and theological articles. This practice is nothing out of the ordinary as I receive several such responses a year and even have met some of my closest friends through this sort of communication, and in one case I’ve almost become family with one girl in Chicago, visiting several times a year. After talking to Rachel for a couple months both online and offline, she told me that her dad wants to fly me from Indianapolis to Kansas City to see her for a weekend, and never having a bad experience with this sort of thing, I thankfully accepted. This action created an urban legend that will last for the rest of my life.

Friday afternoon at 4:45 p.m., I’m flying out and land at Midway in Chicago, taking my connecting flight to Kansas City, MO that lands around 6 p.m. As I’m getting off the plane and not noticing anyone out in the lobby, I turn to see who called my name. As I look over and see her parents, seeming clones of Michael Moore, and then herself, looking absolutely nothing like the pictures that I had seen, I want to turn around and jump back on the plane. Forcing myself to be polite and deal with it, we all pile into the car and begin the four hour drive to Springfield, Missouri, a total surprise to me since I thought I was staying at her house the whole weekend. The trip results in about 20 minutes of continuous conversation during the ride there as I ask God, “Why me?” Once arriving at the hotel, we enter the two rooms: a suite with a queen and the other with two double beds. Her dad warns me that he snores, so he offered to sleep on the couch in the extra room off of the room with the queen sized bed, but I figure if I can sleep through a jet engine on the way here, it can’t be that bad. We agree on the sleeping arrangements: I sleep in one of the doubles while he sleeps in the other and Rachel and her mom sleep in the queen next door. Before going to bed at midnight, Rachel and I watch a little TV and her dad is already asleep roaring away like a freight train. The whole night I’m trying to muffle the noise with one pillow, two pillows, then three, then finally I get my iPod so I can get thirty to forty-five minutes “sleep” as I feel like I’m sleeping next to a diesel engine. This whole process had been going on for roughly five hours before I resulted to the iPod. The first day is coming to a close and the weekend hasn’t even truly begun.

Rachel’s dad wakes up at 4:30 a.m. to get ready, which wakes me up, not being a hard thing to do. He informs me at 5:00 a.m. to wake up and get ready to leave, which at this point I’m contemplating stealing the car and driving back to the airport and catching the first flight to Chicago. After a short continental breakfast, we leave at about 6:30 to go get her brother, who's with the rest of the youth group at another hotel in town and who looks like a 45-year-old stalker. After an uncomfortable meeting with one of Rachel’s ex-boyfriends, the youth group along with Rachel and I get on the bus to leave to the college campus for the Assembly of God’s fine arts competition. Once the bus gets to Central Bible College in Springfield, we spend all day walking around campus watching all the people in her youth group perform, mostly standing, since the music hall is packed. We finally leave at 5 p.m. to make the four hour drive back with a grand fifteen minutes of conversation this time. After the trip, we go and eat with her parent's good friends and Rachel says three words the whole meal to the waitress, as she tries to explain that she can’t order for herself, so her dad orders for her. After getting back to her house, Rachel and I watch Spiderman 2 on their big screen, but then her parents come down to pull me away to work on their computer that was busted due to insane amounts of viruses on the computer. Once I finally give up on the computer at about 12:30 a.m., Rachel asks me to wait while she goes upstairs to get something for me. I look in disbelief as she returns in a few minutes with a “bracelet” that consists of two plastic bands, one purple and one black, that when she forcibly puts this bracelet on my wrist it is cutting off my circulation making my hand turn purple in a matter of seconds. After being polite in accepting this horrible gift, I lock the guest bedroom door and remove it as soon as possible. Then I go to sleep on this bed that was as hard as pavement, but I’m so tired I just died on the bed. The sheer exhaustion of the day finally ends and I find myself on the Sabbath, but there is no rest to be found.

I’m then woken up at 8 a.m. to get ready for church, so we go to Sunday school, which was decent. In church, we sing for 20 minutes and then we have to “sneak”, although there was nothing stealth about it, out the back from the fifth row of the church during the offering to catch our flight, as I’m feeling like I’m dodging the offering plate. We don’t even hear the sermon, making it totally pointless. Once arriving at the airport, we eat at a Mexican restaurant, which is probably not a good for the poor guy that had to sit next to her dad on his flight to California. We all sit in near silence in the lobby till my plane gets there. Once it arrives, Rachel gives me an awkward hug and I mutter "See ya later" and go through security while they stand behind the glass wall, waving at me every couple minutes while I'm standing in line praying to God for “liberty or death”. Even after all this, her parents have her call me while I'm standing in line as I can look over and see her behind the glass. This creates another five minutes of awkwardness as I try to get her to say something besides one word responses. Once they start boarding, I quickly end the conversation and get on the plane as quick as I can; waving one last time as I thank God I’m out of Missouri.
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Even though Mrs. Jones the Feminazi gave me a C- on this, I still think it's probably the best story I've ever heard of that actually took place. And yes...it all happened, if I'm lying I'm dying...Enjoy and put all inqueries (What the *** were you thinking!?, etc.) in the comments. And remember that your day isn't as bad as this...

What Now?

Just when I thought I had all the time in the world...it flashes in front of my eyes reminding me every chance, every moment where I blew it. I swear my middle name is procrastination. I feel like God has set everything in my lap but I'm too afraid to reach out and risk the chance of getting burned. I have dreams all the time...dreams of what I want my life to be. The reality is that all my life is is a dream. I talk about my high standards on women, yet all my girlfriends are anything but. I talk about my God, yet I'm displaying anything but the Fruits of the Spirit. What's wrong with me. All I've ever prayed for was to have someone I loved. I thought I had it for awhile, I knew I had it, and now I know it's falling away but I'm too scared to catch it before it's too late...

Insurance

There are very few things in my life that really get under my skin, but being insurance for a girl is up there. One of my ex's has been jerking my chain for more than a year now while she has a boyfriend. Yet she talks to me like she can't stand him and wants to be free, but for some reason she can't leave him. And ya know what? Screw her. I'm not going to play these stupid games anymore. I really thought that I loved her at one time, but now I know that could never be. I'm going to better myself spiritually and physically and find the woman God really has set out for me, not some girl wanting to use me as a self esteem booster. I have a lot of regrets about not doing anything but this one I can let go, it's just not worth the trouble. I'm half tempted to beat the living trash out of this prep and leave her with her worthless boyfriend, but instead I'm just going to cut it off for good. I'm too old for this crap...this high school drama crap should've died in high school. 2 words to Baileigh, grow up. If you want to waste your life away with white trash, go right ahead, but you'll have lost someone who genuinely cared. What happened to all the good (and mature) Christian girls? Let me know if you see one...I've yet to meet one.

My Challenge to You

If we do not question our beliefs and prove every assumption then what makes us any different from robots? If you're ready to receive the evidence you've been searching for all your life to what this life is all about, look no further. Proven without a doubt, my Lord is the King of Kings and I'll give everything I have to spread the truth and freedom I have because of this Holy Gospel. Challenge Jesus. Challenge the Word. If we hold the Truth, who can break it?

Politics: The Poor

After watching the first episode of "30 Days" that's hosted by the maker of the movie "Supersize Me", I have had my eyes opened in a way to the hard lives of people earning minimum wage.

Rant #1:For years I've taken the stance that most of these people are idiots and losers that dropped out of highschool and are just paying for their idiocy. But there must be at least a minority that are good, upstanding, hardworking people that just could not afford college (I barely can). I'm by no means supporting welfare which I think is a horrid breaucracy, but I would think that raising the minimum wage would aid in helping the average Joe make a better life for himself without crippling businesses. Small businesses would be hurt by the move, but they would adjust just like every other time they raised the minimum wage. Unfortunately, the worst Democrat on earth came up with this idea (Kennedy), but it goes to show that even a murdering silverspooner can have some level of common sense. Oh and Republicans...WAKE UP...morons... the Republican Party has been hijacked by big business for decades too long. Instead of relying on rich conservative businessmen to finance the campaigns, Republicans should turn to the huge amount of willing people...middle class mostly...that would finance a party that would genuinely fight for them and it would also bring many Southern Democrats and union into the party.

Rant #2: The nation is majorly middle class. Every President has been an elite member of society, with a select few being from the middle class. Why on earth don't we have a President who has been where we have been? Why can't there be a President from the lower class? No one knows how to fix our problems who hasn't been there before and I think that's the major problem with modern America since the elite politicians have no clue how to help us, but only guess. Go to the people and wholeheartedly asked them how you can fix their problems! Then do it! Not very complicated...pretty flippin' easy if I do say so myself. Vote for Jude, I'll kick everyone's a** and turn this country around with a Republican in one armlock and a Democrat in the other...Nader's my cleaning lady...

Talking to God

Last night I couldn't sleep at all...and I knew why. I've been majorly slacking off in everything, but most importantly, my faith. Trusting in God is in the back of my mind anymore since "I can handle it" but when I look at what my life has become with me at the driver's seat, it's a complete mess. So last night I just asked God to tell me what to do and I'd wait till He gave me the directive. The sermon title today? "Live like You were Dying".

The sermon was amazing (go download at kingswaychurch.org) since John challenge the church to look at our mortality and how brief life really is. One of his points was to lead a "no-regret life" which is anything but what I've been living for the past 20 years. I have more regrets than memories it seems. Sitting there next to my dad in church for that sermon was tough since God just laid everything right in front of me in plain view. I couldn't run from this one. Christ spoke directly to my soul today but I failed Him before I walked out the doors by not worshiping Him as I should since for some reason I don't think it's "manly" to sing in front of my family, although I do it anywhere else. I feel like my life has been one based on disappointing God since everything He's called me to I've run from. Will I meet the same fate as Jonah and be forced into my calling? I hope so...doubt I'll be fulfilling anyone's will, much less God's, as of now. Pray for me to quit putting off what could be an amazing opportunity and change my life forever.

The Rebellious Servant,
Jude

I.O.U.

Artist: Big Dismal
Album: Believe
Song: Remember (I.O.U.)

When I was a young child
You watched over me
You kept me safe inside your arms
And then you set me free
So I flew away like a bird
Not knowing which way to go
The light you give me inside
It will always glow
And I want to remember
All the times we shared
And I won’t ever forget your face
You know your hands were always there
And still you’re strong when I’m weak
It never seems to fade
I can hear your voice here with me
Whenever I’m awake
And I know you’ll be there ‘til the end
Until the end of time
Because you sacrificed it all
Just to give me life
And I want to remember
All the times we shared
And I won’t ever forget your face
You know your hands were always there
You made me the man I am
The man I am today
And for that I owe you everything
It’s been so long, I can’t go on
Without you by my side

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This song's not only amazing but it's nearly word-for-word of my life up till this point, although I have a long way to go...

Summer Bore

Is there anybody that will freaking hire me!? People...I have more experience than 90% of any of these tools at Best Buy, Radioshack, Staples, etc. at anything with a circuit board, especially computers. I went to Best Buy today to check if they were hiring since a screener called me and said they would call Monday, never happened, so I went to them. I stood at the "Geek Squad" (I should be paid to just admit I belong to this prejudice ridden organization) counter for a good 30-45min to just hear that they weren't hiring seasonal people. So now what am I going to do? I'm going to undercut them, which is not hard at all with the insane prices they charge for crap. So it'll be ok for now, but I'm just bored to death. I've started jogging again to have something to do and hopefully look a little better, ha..right. I've also been working on the MoviePortal which is (for those of you that don't know) a creation of Scooter's & mine where one can search through the movies on the floor to find who has it and possibly request a movie. I've had a lot of time to think lately though since nobody around here has time to hang out anymore. I really feel empty inside and nearly completely numb. It's like I've pushed God so far away that I don't even catch the rays anymore. It's amazing how when I have absolutely nothing to do, I'll find a way not to read the Bible or do God's Will for my life. I've also been having dreams like mad about a certain person (nothing wierd) but it's just like we are married and talking about the daily things in our lives and being parents...it's...nice with a lot of strange. I just wish it would be possible but with every day that passes it seems even less probable. Why do I always want what I could never have?