Prayer w/o Food

For context's sake I'll start from the beginning. I went out for coffee w/ Emily last week and had a great time talking for nearly 2 1/2 hours about nearly everything under the Sun and afterwards I felt that it was truly a gift from the Father to ease the pain and sickness I have had for so long now (although I'm over my cold/flu). This past Friday I invited both Emily and her room mate down for grilling out then hung out almost all night in their room but the whole time I felt like I wasn't wanted and there was something not being said. With Merlin, Dubs, and Rogan all gone to Cedar Point Saturday, I sat in my room the entire day alone with a few guys coming in for movies and whatnot. I felt more lonely that day than I had for nearly a year and Satan was using it to bring me down even more in church the next day when I walked in front of her and sat in front of her in the lobby. I could hear him like the bully taunting you in middle school. "No one cares. You have no friends" Then hearing the message on the Body of Christ, I almost wanted to laugh. It seemed like I was alone in the middle of a war over my soul and I had no one to lean on. I felt completely invisible, like I wasn't even there as people looked me over in search for their friends. I went down to the prayer deck by the lake and cried out to God for help. I simply can't take it anymore. The one friend I thought I had abandoned me and I had no one to turn to for help but Jesus. That night I pledged to God that I would prove to Him and to myself that I was serious about wanting God's help and mainly, a friend. So since Monday I haven't eaten anything and been praying whenever I could. Last night (Wednesday) I talked w/ Emily's room mate about it and assured me it was a misunderstanding, so I called Emily and basically had a DTR (most dreaded conversation in the world). Little did I know that she didn't see me in church and thought I still wanted to date her, which explained the "quota" she put on our time together. We cleared everything up and now I have a friend who wants me to share the pain as well as the joy in my life, to be the real Joel. How great is our God. If only we could see the big picture then I would know that the only way I would've had that talk would be if I was brought to that point of lonliness. If we wouldn't have had the talk then I would've gone on being completely confused and more lonely in the long run. The Father hears our prayers more clearly than we think and not only that but He can see what needs to happen to make that prayer a reality, even if it means more pain on our end. I rejoice in His suffering for it makes me stronger day by day and may I bring eternal glory to the Father forever. Amen.

Death of a Pirate

This Sunday marked the end of my "career" as a pirate. Darren shared from Romans 13 and talked about how we should submit to the authorities God has put in our lives, however unjust they might be. But also that if their word contradicts the Word of God then we are to stand, not to kneal or to run, but to stand and take what they dish out. This is much like the thinking behind Ghandi and MLK Jr. Pirating for me has always been about "sticking it to the Man" or the whole Robin Hood mentality. Unfortunately for Robin Hood, Paul wrote Romans 13. Although I can't realistically ditch everything immediately (since I couldn't use my computer), I plan to stop pirating from now on and phase out anything I'm currently using. Mainly this means I'm going open source for everything from now on since I don't have the $$$ to pay "the Man". I still very much consider myself anti-copywrite and this will probably fuel that feeling. So instead of sticking it to the Man, I hope to stand up to the Man and let him know I'm not moving. Arrivederci.

P.S. My heartfelt condolences to those of you who think of me as your Blockbuster.