Different Life

Since my last post was so gloomy, I thought I might put things back in perspective. Life definitely is much less stressful now than it was during the summer. Our house sold and I have all my money back from all the seemingly endless funds I poured into it. The talks I had with Sherri Rediger really helped me try to find my way through life over the summer. I took a personality profile which really explained to me who I really am. Believe it or not, I'm not a terrible person. The only thing I didn't like about the profile was that it didn't show what faults went along with the personality, but maybe that's the pessimist in me. I continue to struggle every day with sin and while God keeps trying to tell me that my sin is "as far as the east is from the west", I still can't let go. My pastor Darren said it perfectly when he said that I'm trying to pay for my salvation with nothing but a couple pennies so I can feel like I did something to deserve it. The point is: I don't deserve it which is what makes it so beautiful in the first place. I long to have love in my life, but I know that I'm no where near ready for that responsibility. If I don't learn how to exercise self-control now, I never will. I just pray that God will send someone, anyone to preach to my soul and to be my confidant. I realize I have some big trust issues, but after all the people that have walked out of my life, I think I have good reason. My mom also got married a couple weekends ago. From day one I knew it was a bad idea, but supposedly its going ok. But since my house sold, I really never want to go "home", wherever that may be. My mom wants me to go to Bart's (her husband) house and live there, but that's just way too weird. So ladies, who wants a homeless, self-centered addict? I just hope that one day Christ will have turned this sad life into something worth living for. He's the only home I have anymore...