What to do...

Ever felt like there's 10 ways your life could go? I have lived my whole life by my "dream" of how my life will go. Not suprisingly, God has intereupted every single part of that plan. I was convinced in high school that I would date Megan Sutherlin (way too hot for me in the first place) and then my life would be milk & honey. Not that it wouldn't...but He wasn't anywhere near done with me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn now, but I wish He'd get to that part soon. I feel like everyday is just that, another day with all the same. I look at what my life has been and it makes me want to cry. I have abandoned the only thing in my life that's been consistent and never changing so so so many times, Jesus. Even after all the blaspheming, the lack of trust, outright denial, trying to put Him in a box only to be taken out when convenient, HE STILL LOVES ME. It's a beautiful thing. I've been so worried about being alone all my life I haven't stepped back to look that I've had someone there through it all. My Father has been there through the depression, being outcast, the insults to my faith, the crushes, the lonliness, the pain of being betrayed by my father. I know God exists because there is nothing that could have sustained me throughout all the pain that made me want to end it all. I just hope I can fulfill His plans for my life, not mine. Be patient with me Lord, it'll take some warming up to get me to wake up and get with the program.