Trying to Find His Way

I couldn't be more confused. Why did she come into my life? Why did God allow me to fall for her when there was never going to be anything to come of it? I just want to know what this lesson is about. I know it comes down to this: I don't trust Christ. I never really have. I look to satisfy my spiritual needs by filling it with a crush, cash, respect, you name it I've probably tried to substitute it for Christ. I want to feel accepted and loved so bad I'm willing to nearly destroy a friendship with an amazing girl for it. I will never find the girl God has in store for me until I can fully trust and love Him with all my heart, my mind, and my soul. Only then will I see His plan for my life and be able to walk it with Him, side by side. Pray I will be able to let go control of this wreck I call my life and release it into His trustworthy hands.