Shot Down

Well, it's over, if only it actually started. I asked her tonight if there was anything there and got a big ol negative. She let me down easy, which I appreciate, but I still feel like I'm back to where I was before, in Hell. My home life is improving so at least my family isn't ripping itself at its seams. I know He'll always be there, but I just want something in the flesh that I can love. She made me feel alive. I haven't felt like that since I rededicated my life to Christ when I was 16. How much longer do I have to be alone? I'm tired...I would trade in everything...the car, the money, the TVs...everything just to be happy. I laugh on the outside but inside I just wish it was over...I pray sincerely that I'll be able to find peace and happiness or go Home. I'm sick of playing this stupid game.