Praying

Last night was our open house and I'm absolutely bored to death. I thought it'd be nice to be a little social and see what other guys were up to. I walk by Tom's room and hear Emily in there and that's fine with me so I just head on back to my room since there's nothing going on. That's it. It's not that she didn't come see me so much as it's that she came down and never even said hi. Is that the sign of "Don't speak to me" or what? Later I had a heart-to-heart with God and at one point all I could hear going through my head was the words from Rob Bell's Nooma videos, "I love you buddy. Daddy knows the way home." I'm trying to trust Him, but I just want to go home if this is all my life's going to consist of, and I'm not talking about Plainfield. How long do I have to force myself to smile or sing songs of joy? I'm a hypocrite through and through. A hypocrite that goes every Sunday hoping that God will cure him of his wounds and cancers. As long as I try to control the path that my life will take, the harder I'm going to fall. Over the years God has sent His encouragers: Alex, Megan and Ash. But now I have no one and I don't want one either. I don't want a great cheerleader, I want to be winning the game and now I'm about like Taylor's football tean, without either.